A year has gone by and I’ve left my page empty. I have no real reason. Maybe because I was “too busy” or trying to “put myself out there”. Definitely not because I didn’t have anything to say. And really, the first two reasons aren’t true. I’ve been busy but not “too” busy and I have tried to put myself out there but my attempts have been pretty weak.
This blog is for those single parent empty nesters who are dealing with this life stage, when their kid or kids leave the house, and they’re on their own- by themselves.
To be honest I’m not an empty nester right now. My older one graduated from college and is living at home while she’s looking for a job but the day will come when my nest will be empty again.
It’s definitely time to assess whether I have made any progress in the past two years in embracing my life in my empty nest. I guess, it depends on what you believe progress to be . Let’s take a look at some areas of my life that I wanted to expand as a single empty nester.
>Take on a hobby. I’m still trying to find “the hobby” with which I can passionately spend my time with and not think of how “alone” I am. Writing, I must say, is one hobby. From January to the end of May I was working on a book chapter about the health of single parents (I can expand on what I wrote at another time). So, I’ve made some progress in the hobby arena, but still need to be more focused on finding other hobbies, be more dedicated to them, and be less pre-occupied with experiencing the deep and painful loneliness that sometimes prevails.
> Figure out what I’m passionate about. I have a lot of things I’m passionate about but I’ve not found the right cause or organization that I would get very excited about, would really dive deep into, and spend many hours helping others. Progress? Minimal.
>Go out and meet new people. Another passion or hobby of mine, is hiking. So I’ve been to a few Meetups where I will go hiking with random unknown people. I’ve met at least one lady who I like a lot and would be a great hiking partner. It’s just that we never have a chance to hike together (there’s always one of us who is busy). I have to go to other groups with other interests because I do have to meet people. Which I won’t do, if I just sit at home. So I’ve been minimally successful in this arena.
>Tried to go on a few dates. Wow! Not an easy task. I’ll spend a lot of time on dating as a 40 something in this blog but to set the stage. I was not successful. But I also have not been dedicated enough to this project. I gave up. I know I have to get that started again. So, some progress, but clearly no results.
>Don’t work in the evenings. There were a few months where I found myself working in the evenings and quickly realized that this is not going to be a good strategy for my life. It’s not what I want. I’ve never been the type of person who lives to work. I work to live. So I’ve stopped working in the evenings (of course things have gotten less intense at the office so that also helps) and try to do other things (like pay medical bills, etc. which is also not fun). I have to go out more and do fun things.
I think right now this is a comprehensive enough list to show you how one can get off track, due to work, life circumstances (e.g. my brother got sick and that took up a lot of mental and emotional energy), emotional resilience, etc. The important thing is to catch yourself when you’re not making progress, revisit your plan, change course if you need to, and make sure that you’re doing everything in your power to enrich your life (and others’).
And give yourself a pat on the back for what you’ve achieved! Life change takes a long time and you can only do it in small steps anyways!
That’s how being a single empty nester will be fulfilling and your life will become more whole. You, and only you, can shape it that way. I’ll share with you the journey that I’m going on and hopefully that will help you with your journey. Even though I don’t know you, we can work on this together and support each other!
Cheers!
asingleparentsemptynest 