I’ve come to the realization that I’ve been living in the Bay Area for more then 11 years. Two of these years I’ve been living as an empty nester. During this time I have not built a community around me. I’ve made friends- have friends in the area- but I’m not part of a community.

For a single parent empty nester having a strong social community is vital. I know this.

Somehow, over the years, I’ve been fighting “to belong” somewhere.

What do I mean exactly? I’ve swooped in and swooped out but haven’t had the chance to really establish myself anywhere. Most of it is because of my work (and before 2015 I was very focused on my daughters). I’ve traveled frequently and never had the chance to “be present”. My calendar has always been crazy- never really here, never really around.

Other then work I think there’s a psychological reason also. Even though I yearn for connection and community, I embrace not being “tied down” and avoid deeper connections and commitment. I like the “jet-setter” image of myself.

What am I afraid of? Rejection? Exposing myself? Becoming vulnerable?

Being embraced? Having more friends?

This all doesn’t make sense because “belonging” is what I what ultimately strive for. To have deeper connections, belong to a community, play a role in a community, have support from a community, and give back to a community.

So, clearly, I’m living a life that is counterproductive to what I actually want in life. What can I do? Change.

First, change my attitude- my perception of my life. Assess what I value most, and strive to reach the goals that feed my values.

I value personal relationships the most. Therefore I must direct my energies towards them.

Participate. Be consistent. Focus locally.

I need to be present.

I have a lot of work to do with myself.

And eventually I’ll belong to a community.