I felt really guilty this morning….. I wasn’t proud of my behavior last night.

To give some context….I haven’t been sleeping well…..so I’m tired. But I had a decent day at work, my mood was fine. I got home and my older daughter (who is now living at home again) was cooking dinner (salad and sweet potato fries!) and her boyfriend was sprawled on the couch, drinking a beer, and watching “Game of Thrones”; the TV was blaring loudly.

I went in to the kitchen/family room; kinda putzing around but couldn’t really find my space. The TV was too loud; I couldn’t sit down on the couch; I couldn’t start the washing machine (which had my wet muddy clothes in it for more than 24 hours and I really wanted to get that thing going); ..…. and I just tensed up.

I went up to my daughter and told her that we have to discuss and create a plan on how we live together. Boyfriend and all. I need my space, especially when I get home. They also need their space, obviously. The TV is in the middle of the house; it’s two of them; there’s one of me.  I don’t have a real reason that I can use for them to give me my space. It’s difficult to explain all what I feel to her and leaves me angry, confused, and in emotional chaos.

Because I really want them to feel at home…… but I also want to feel comfortable and relaxed at home.

And of course my daughter and I got into an argument that ruined the whole evening. Which none of us needed.

So this got me thinking about the different topics that are swirling around in this one small incident. Communication. Boundaries. Personalities. Adult daughter in a relationship. Lone parent. Habit. Space. I won’t address all of them today….. I promise.

Lone Parent. Empty Nest. Habit. Space. All four of these concepts have a mutual thread. You’re a single parent, living alone once the kids are out of the house. You don’t have to conform to anyone anymore (except when the kids are home; and let’s be honest, you are really DYING to have them home because you love them and miss them…… but you’ve also gotten into your own ways by now). When you put something somewhere, it stays there, until you move it. When you get home from work, you can sit in the quiet, go for a run, or really do whatever you wish to do. Eat alone while reading a magazine. And when you’re kids are home this all changes, stuff gets used and left in another place, the TV is blaring when you get home from work, and you are more than likely going to eat something you weren’t planning to at a time that may not be the most convenient for you. But here’s the learning from this. Keeping your flexibility and tolerance. Enjoy the time when there’s quiet and order but also thrive when you have no control over the moving objects and how you’re evening is being spent. Stay nimble.

First of all, you want your kids to want to be home with you, and second, this is great practice for the time when you meet someone special and share a life with them practicing love, flexibility, and tolerance.

And just to mention something else…. Learn to communicate.  It’s okay to set some boundaries. You don’t have to be flexible and tolerant to the point that they trample all over you. You have the right to your place and space. Your needs and habits. And you can share your life with your loved ones with mutual respect, understanding and love……