The house is empty. I guess I’m officially an “empty-nester”. A single-parent empty-nester (or as my typo would say: empty-nexter)

Both my girls are in college now. A chapter of my life has concluded- with a new one beginning.

The house is silent. I’m surrounded by silence. The chatter, the occasional screaming and yelling filling the four walls, will be missing. This is the moment that I’ve been dreading.

But at the same time I’m also relieved and proud. I’ve worked very hard as a single parent to get to this point in our lives. I’m extremely lucky to see my daughters become successful independent women, attend great colleges, start off on their own, and learn the ropes of life.

And I know that the phone will ring most days and my daughters and I will talk, see each other on Skype, or send a flurry of texts. But the intimacy that we’re used to, the hugs and kisses that we usually share, will only be left for the special occasions- when they come home for a break or I go visit them.

At my younger one’s parent orientation I felt like the oddball. When I looked around in the auditorium it seemed to me that the parents were there as a couple. Very similar to when you go to a party by yourself and everyone else is there with their partner. I guess the “normal” way of dropping of your kid is going there- both Mom and Dad- and then leaving; giving each other comfort as you drive (or fly) away from your child who you won’t see for a long time.

I must confess I was disturbed by being there alone- even though I’m used to it. I’m usually alone.

Dropping my daughters off at college is exactly the moment I didn’t want to experience by myself. I would’ve liked to experience it with their father. I know that this is not possible. I know this; and if I think about it long and hard I don’t really want to share the moment with him anymore; after all we’ve been through. Still; it would’ve been nice if that’s how life would have happened.

I feel numb now. I dropped my younger one off last week but my older one was still with me. I was sad; and of course I cried. But my older one was with me. Now I’ve dropped her off too; and there is no one with me. I’m alone.

I get home; get out of the cab; open my front door and my home is silent; as expected.

I put on some music on, pour a glass of wine, and light a candle.

And start the new chapter of my life.

Both scary and exciting at the same time!