Today is the first day of school in our school district for kids K-12. As I was walking to the bus stop in the morning to go to work, a mother was walking her daughter to school, maybe for the first time. It suddenly occurred to me, that for our family, this is the first time neither of my daughters start school today.

Both of them are going to college in a few weeks. I am becoming an “empty nester”. A word often just as ominous for mothers and fathers as the word “menopause” is for most women over forty-five. Until… you accept the fact that this is the new and natural chapter in your book of Life.

In my mind becoming an empty nester is difficult when you’re happily married, a bit more difficult when you’re unhappily married, and may be the most difficult when you are a single parent. I’m assuming that the emotional turbulence that any parent goes through- whether with or without partner- is similar in magnitude (unless you’ve created a monster and can hardly wait to get rid of your beloved kid). One moment you feel depressed, anxious, even scared of what the future brings, what you’ll do with your life, how you’ll spend your free time. In another moment you realize that FINALLY you get to live your own life, do what you want, focus on a hobby, exercise more, etc.

The missing piece is being able to share the “empty nest” experience with the person you’ve created your family with.

The other night my girls and I were watching the episode in Modern Family where Phil and Claire Dunphey take Haley, their oldest daughter, to college and move her into the dorm. There’s a scene when the three of them say their good-byes and the parents sit in the car in silence while driving home.

This is the moment I’m dreading. While they have each other for comfort (and two more kids waiting at home). They can give each other’s hand a squeeze, talk about their feelings, or just sit together in silence and contemplate how the new chapter of their lives will evolve. In contrast, I’ll be sitting in my car or on the plane going home after dropping the girls at college and experiencing the emptiness that is left behind – alone.

Alone is the key word here. I’m a veteran lone parent; I’ve been raising my daughters without their father for fifteen years. I’m used to managing my family, myself, and my emotions – alone. In retrospect it’s easy when your life is full of chatter, drama, laughter, and tears. You go with the flow and sometimes think how great it would be to share these moments with their father but only when it becomes silent, when they fly out of the nest, will I be facing reality. That I’m alone.

The empty nest is the new phase. The noise of the chaos and emotional roller coaster of our everyday lives becomes silent.

I will initially be sharing my steps taken throughout this journey; how I experience these moments and how I adjust my life and embrace the new chapter I was luckily given. Because being an empty nester also means that you’ve succeeded, that you’ve had a child or children in your life, raised them to your best capabilities, and are able to let them go to fly free. And letting them go is key!